brain-cleanse

As all good bloggers know, the best posts are thought of as you’re taking a poop. So you try to finish that poop quickly enough that you don’t forget your idea before your cleanly washed hands touch your keyboard and make magic happen.

That is how this post started, but I’m pretty strict with hygiene so I think I lost half of it on the way here. And the fact that I even remembered this part means that I’ll have forgotten something critically important before I fall asleep (like taking my allergy pill..), because my brain memory is finite, people, and if there was RAM that I could upgrade, I would, but fuck life, eh? They haven’t invented that yet, those assholes.

Anyway, so I’m reading A Prayer for Owen Meany or is it A Prayer for Owen Meany – I don’t fucking remember. In either case, it’s by John Irving and it’s partially situated in Toronto and features a tiny kid with a fucked up voice, so that – along with the fact that the writing is blow-your-brains-out-and-never-write-another-word spectacular – means I’m pretty in love with it. I haven’t finished it yet however, but because I’ve been reading it for near a month now, I’ve had ample (love that word) time to ruminate (thesaurased that from “think”) about some of the messages of the novel. For example, the idea that John Wheelwright (the narrator and ½ of the main character) just keeps maniacally reading The Toronto Star and The New York Post every day like clockwork, and getting increasingly frustrated with Reagan’s flagrant disregard for American citizens and the fact that it doesn’t fucking affect him anymore, is kind of how I feel.

“That’s not a message,” you may be saying to yourself, and directing at me, or more likely, your computer screen, which you assume is me, but is not.

That’s not the point. The point is that I’m fed up with this constant stream of news flowing in and out, in and out of my brain without causing me to get any smarter. I can bring up things like “Prop 8” and “Green Revolution” and other abbreviated letter/number combinations like “G20/8” in vague conversations with people I don’t really care about – but it doesn’t help me in my thoughts. This doesn’t help me understand anything except the most depressing, “why don’t I just give up now” things, like “Oh, life is totally unsustainable at North America’s rate – politically, environmentally, socially or economically. Swell.”

I don’t want to feel like this, friends. I want to be encouraged. I want to give the world the middle finger with my poetry and my art and I want to write important shit. Essays on feminism. Diatribes about individuality. I want to write utopian novels (dystopias are my favourite to read but depress the antidepressants out of me) and give some people some hope (not Obama-style, not no mo’!)

I want to use up my oil paints.

So I’m going to stop reading some blogs, hopefully for a little while, because as much as I love looking at people’s outfits and reading about summer plans, I need to cultivate some mental plans, some mental process. I need to dig into my mind and see what I find there, and hope it’s not useless. I’ve also been participating in an involuntary prohibition of TV shows lately (seeing as how most of mine have ended for the summer, leading me to watch certain shows that I have never seen from the beginning, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Arrested Development), and it’s been quite nice. I go outside, see people – converse, and other life-altering things.

That’s not to say you should stop reading my blog, because if I ever run out of things to say, well.. I’ll be dead, hopefully. I’m just hoping to get a little more creative up in here. Break up some sentences, throw in some dangerous antecedents and unexpected apostrophes, you know what I mean? Change the game up with dangling modifiers that –

But right now, I’m off to watch either Thelma & Louise (1991!) or Almost Famous (2000?), neither of which I have seen. I blame it on the world. I am hoping for inspiration, or classic awesomeness, or ’91 shirtless Brad Pitt.

Oh, and I tried dying my hair again today and for the low, low price of 84.99$ my salon has managed to make it the colour I wanted 2 visits ago (sandy blond), instead of the natural colour I asked for this time. I’m hoping they will start catching up with my requests soon, because if they don’t – oh man, they’re getting a bad online review.

BOO-YAH!

-A

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