we do it over and over again

I know New Year’s resolutions are kind of lame and everybody understands it’s a thing that everyone talks about but no one ever does, but I kind of want an evaluation sheet for the past year.  A check mark.  A giant X. Anything.

I do too many things at once, usually, and if I do only one I feel like I’m not doing enough.  However, I think my balance is okay right now, even though free time is a foreign concept.   I’m happy that this year, the free time that I was cajoled into making was with my family.  It’s been a long time since high tide with us and we fell into a groove in 2010 that was unlike any other years.  Yes, bickering, yes, typical and expected family fights; but, favours occurred more often than resentments, support more than put-downs, and hugs more than locked doors (except in my sister’s case, who is growing up to be a rather fine door-slammer-and-locker of the 9-year-old variety).  I learned the meaning of forgiveness this year from a couple of Rastafarians and taught myself the value of talking over coffee with people you miss.

I feel like this year I succeeded, and all the little steps I took towards constructing my little future mental farm (that kind of sounds like there’s a crazy house in my brain, but I’m talking about the grand idea of my life metaphored as a house) were really solid.  I took an internship in Toronto instead of planning for one abroad this upcoming summer.  I ripped the petals off non-fiction writing and realized that I’ve been writing non fiction for a long time, and there’s nothing to be afraid of.  I learned that I love (emphasis, exclamation mark) interactive editing.  Editing with both the writer and the editor involved and forming the final sculpture into something spectacular. I learned that I do well at school when provided with the right, life-applicable motivation.

I learned that I don’t want a career, yet.

I learned that I have so much more to learn.

-Arina

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