Oh, sweet Johnathan Edwards – what a fuckin’ psychopath.
Regardless. Here’s a free write after reading some serious soul-damning shit for American Lit class.
– – –
your damnation does not slumber, saith He.
but neither do I, saith I.
It will continue for a long time, until the gates of some cloud-encumbered castle close – I will sin. I will sin and enjoy my damnation, I will elate at my own revelations, I beseech thee – just listen to your heart, and you and the Higher One won’t ev’r part.
You know what. You did. You did it and I know, and I see you. I might have Greek roots but I am all human baby. I am just ridin’ dirty. I say what I mean and you know what, your attitude don’t please me. You have forsaken my will, and my Will my Sovereignty, is everything. I rape your sister – love me. I kill your mother – love me. Your husband beats you, your children die, you lose your job or your crops don’t rise – love me. I am merciful – unless you don’t love me. I am kind – unless you don’t love me. I am Everything to Everyone, unless Everyone does not love me.
I am devout. I think not about your reasons, I just believe. And still, I am damned. Still I am trembling on that spiderweb as though I am the heaviest rock to be found. I am careening towards the fires of hell, the Others wait for me there – they are expecting me at every moment. My misstep becomes me. My salvation becomes my misstep.
I am heavy – my weight makes me gravitate towards the simplest fall.
And I am a rock. I cannot change my shape. I cannot transfigure into a bird, I cannot be a Dove, because I am damned. I am no Spider. I am falling, and the only thing that can save me is Everything.
My weight makes me heavy. Heavy makes me weak. Weak makes me fall. Falling makes me human.
What does it take to be You?