There’s a few reasons why I haven’t been around. None are interesting.
Nightmares have all but eaten me alive the past week – paranoia, anxiety, fear. Getting lost, losing people, family dying – that’s what my dreams are made of. I haven’t been sleeping too great. Any noise makes me stretch open an eyelid and clean out an eardrum and then, BAM!, just like that I feel the sun on my face and all and any remnant of scary sleep that was in me is erased.
I wake up confused and crying from loss. I wake up tired like heavy stones.
I haven’t read or written lately, just done “getting ready for school stuff”.
Sometimes, when I get really excited about something, like a concert or the first day of school, I tend to go into this coma of nothingness until whatever it is, starts. I stop doing anything useful or communicating properly and instead just sit in the drawing-room of my head all day and get excited. If it’s a concert I usually crank up the music, dance, and get ready 5 hours in advance or so. By my standards that’s totally reasonable.
But what are standards anyway.
My grandparents are leaving in 4 days. There’s no Russian word for “grandparents” as a mass – just ‘grandmother’ and ‘grandfather’, which I can’t understand why anybody would do that? Or maybe I just don’t know it.
I’ll wind my brain up soon again, I promise.
I can’t believe I have 3 unfinished books before school starts. What a big letdownfail – One Hundred Years of Solitude, Frankenstein, and The Sun Also Rises. I’m hoping to finish Hemingway, because I own the other two, so of course that means I can put them off for way longer than a library book.
Sucky, sucky sucky. I really need to get some blinds in my room or else I’m going to have serious mental issues.