Yep, that was a little hiatus. Unannounced, as far as most hiatuses go, especially by my university’s standards. I’ve been waging a losing battle with my university once more this year over enrolling in courses. It has made me so frustrated, even though I – as Shane Koyczan said last night – am “as dangerous as a death threat from a pacifist.” Which, I think we can all agree, is pretty harmless. Nuff said.
However, kids I go to school with at York University are well aware of the administrative horror that is our enrolment process (or any process). What’s baffling is how difficult it is to try to give them money. I WANT TO ENROL IN YOUR SCHOOL AND PAY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR THINGS I AM ALMOST POSITIVE I COULD GET FOR A $100 AT A BOOKSTORE, and they make this difficult for me. Are they kidding?
So far I’m enrolled in 3 courses. And am basically planning to get a full-time job if I can’t get into any more. Alas, alack, that is the drama and comedy of York U.
What I feel will cheer me up from this teeth-grating slump is – no, not another episode of 16 & Pregnant where the dad is a deadbeat and scared shitless 16-year-old, but instead – writing about beautiful men. But not ALL beautiful men. My favourite TYPE of beautiful men.
The, “I look Irish but can pass for Spanish or Brazilian or Egyptian and have an accent that natives drool over, am educated, eloquent and witty in interviews to the point where every woman watching me on a TV screen feels me slowly turning into a real-live prince in front of their eyes, transforming from pixels on a screen to a rippling hunk of muscle in front of your hands, ready for touch, ready for the stroke of your hands through my omnipresent 6 o’clock shadow and obvious chest hair and casually tousled ‘do.”
4 men come to mind – in fact, I thought they were all one person until I started seriously devoting quality time to imdb.com stalking. The last one, I believe, is the Mac-daddy of them all – he started the trend of Tousled, Slightly Dirty Gruff Irish Immigrant with a Dream and a Heart’o'Gold with a vigor previously unknown.
- Jeffrey Dean Morgan – Soulful Irish Hunk from P.S. I Love You and The Sexiest and Most Altruistic Dying Man You’ve Ever Seen with your Eyeballs (Ie. Denny Duquette) on Grey’s Anatomy. I literally thought that Morgan and Bardem WERE THE SAME MAN, but I’m not the only one..
- Javier Bardem – [Disqualified due to marriage to Penelope Cruz, thus forever eliminating him from the quality man-market and thrusting him into Super-Mandom] HOWEVER, if you saw him (and were not charmed by him) in Vicky Cristina Barcelona or Eat, Pray, Love (an awful movie if I ever saw one, Julia Roberts – shame on you for staining your glorious movie-tation!) then you are possibly Satan. His accent alone made my knees weak.
- Gerard Butler - Do you all remember me meeting my Russian Gerard Butler? That was basically a defining life moment for me. (Aside: I just searched for “gerard butler” on my blog and I actually never wrote about the experience. Maybe because it was basically me squealing in the back kitchen while my bartender served him and asked him if he was single, which he wasn’t, he was married to some fucking Russian supermodel, of-fucking-course.) I want to do dirty, dirty, bad, bad things to this man – so bad, that I can’t even think of any other words but “dirty” and “bad” to say over and over again.
- Russell Crowe – Apparently, I’ve already written about how close Gerard and Russell look, but I need this cheer-me-up, not you, assholes, so I’ll write about it again. Crowe has got a little chubbers lately – but I see no problem with this. The man is allowed to put on a little cushion, especially after being in 300. Oh.. wait, FUCK, that wasn’t him was it? Cinderella Man, then.
Apparently, Ryan Atwood- FUCK – Benjamin McKenzie also has that “Crowe” look. It’s freaky enough for me, finding this in a random Google search to wonder if McKenzie is a sort of illegitimate love-child of Crowe. It’s freaky, but reassuring that we have another Crowe for the next generation.
Alright, well, this is getting a little TOO out of control for my tastes, but I’ll be back with you guys in no time. I wish you all the allure of a slightly-scruffy man, and to bring hellfire onto your respective institutions of sin and torture.